you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
