As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize