Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it glows. i had to have it.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
