She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
