My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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