Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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