It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
This house was built for laser tag.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
