i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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