She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize