all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just pee around me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
