I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
