lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
