Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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