Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
