Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
