Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
