i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
