my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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