so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
