Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
