if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
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