At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So vagazzling was a success
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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