how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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