i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
