listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
