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• (713): View more from Texas

  this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy

  (1-713): View more from Texas

  well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"

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• (518): View more from New York

  I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!

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• (585): View more from New York

  Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer

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• (214): View more from Texas

  Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.

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• (802): View more from Vermont

  just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  was it you?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  ...yes

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• (541): View more from Oregon

  Happy birthday, you long dick monster

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• (847): View more from Illinois

  Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.

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• (305): View more from Florida

  He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.

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• (239): View more from Florida

  They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.

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• (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?

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• (858): View more from California

  I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions

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