I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
