Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
