I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
