you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
So much Jack, so little girl.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize