so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
