We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
