$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
