You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
how drunk are you?
Several
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize