You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
