If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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