i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
