Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
