i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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