you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize
