this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's rum buckets o'clock
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
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