moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
everyone is single if you try hard enough
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
