Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
