I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
