woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
