why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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