when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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