its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
