Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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