I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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