life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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