for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
All the doctor said was why
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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