I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
