She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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