Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
