I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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