She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Randomize
