He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
