it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Randomize
