the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
