I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
