you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
