A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
