theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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