too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
