Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
