Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I faked an abortion last night.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
