No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
