she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
