I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
This baby is an asshole
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
