I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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