The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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