Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
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